if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
