so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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