I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
