I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Randomize
