I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize