I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
