I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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