Well douche your snatch and let's go!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
