I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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