I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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