atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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