if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
