that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Randomize
