Taylor Swift is so right about you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
