We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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