At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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