Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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