He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I did not marry a roomba.
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