Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
