Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
