she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
