it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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