So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
