Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
