I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
