He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
