They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dicks are not precious.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
