I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
