Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
