Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm way too hungover for life right now
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize