Your mouth is God's brothel.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
