we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
