I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
