therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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