Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Say something about gay babies.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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