The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize