Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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