Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
