do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
