I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
