I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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