Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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