if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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