I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize