I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
