9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
