how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
