Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
