You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
