My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
