He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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