You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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