areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
