two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
