Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
