Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
