not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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