is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
