Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
