I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
