honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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