She's JV to your varsity
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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