Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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