fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
