we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
