We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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