These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
