Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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